23?

I don't know about you, but I feel that 22 is an awkward age. Okay, it's 2015 now so 23 then. Your life is about to change. I call it the transition period. I was supposed to start work last year but I wasn't mentally prepared to face reality so I gave all sorts of excuses to make myself feel better, any excuse at all to make me feel less guilty. When you try to wait for the right time to step out of your warm cocoon, you would never be ready.

"If we wait until we're ready, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives." - Lemony Snicket

That saying applies to all stages in life. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about settling down. Who is to judge that 23 is not an appropriate age to settle down? Who is to judge what is wrong and what is right? We live in a society where you're expected to live your life the way people want you to. People expect you to have a career before moving on to the next phase of your life. I don't deny that having a career is extremely important to women. I just feel that why can't you be in a marriage and work at the same time even though you're just 23? I don't think it's a problem at all. The only thing which you need to worry about if you were to get married at the age of 23 is financial security.

Maybe it's because that I'm from a broken family. Maybe that's the reason why I long to start a family of my own as soon as possible. No, this is not an impulsive decision. This is merely a thought that I have since a few months ago. By the way, who would ever be ready to step into a marriage? No one would ever be prepared. You just have to deal with one thing at a time. Take it slow, pace yourself and you should do just fine.

Frankly speaking, I really don't want to grow up. People expect so much from you because they think that at the age of 23, you should be mature enough to handle your own problems. I mean, I know that we should know how to deal with our own problems as independent individuals. It's just that I'm bad at handling my emotions. I am overly sensitive and emotional. I can tell if someone has issues with me by just observing their body language and that sometimes drive me crazy. Most of the time my observation is accurate but the thing is that I don't know how to play dumb. I'd clarify things just to make sure that I'm not the root cause of it and I'm not the one to be blamed. Often I would just keep it to myself but everything would be shown on my damn face. I don't know how to put a mask on and act as if everything is alright when it's not. I can't bring myself to stay calm and wait for things to be okay because I'm not okay. I'll have to admit that my EQ is pretty low. I have zero patience and tolerance when something isn't right. I'd want to resolve the issue then and there. Clarification. Justification. Is it really that important that you must put emphasis on it and jeopardize your emotional well-being? What do you get in exchange of that? Heartache. Frustration. Anger. Anxiety. So, what's the point?

Throwing tantrums is unacceptable at this age. Why is that so? Because you're a grown up now. Because you're an adult. A mature adult. At least that's what people expect you to be. Things don't always go the way you want them to and you're not allowed to show your frustration because you're no longer a child. Special occasions are not special anymore. As a child, I used to look forward to every CNY and birthday every year but now, all those excitement just vanishes. I still look forward to my birthday but apparently it's deemed not to be an important occasion anymore. This year's birthday might be the worst one. You have to be considerate, they said. Just be stronger and don't seek happiness in others because once you're emotionally dependent on someone, you'd be crushed.