Middle of March.I've been working for 2 months now and things are okay so far. The only problem I have now is with my housemates. That's also the sole reason why I'm quite unhappy these few days. The first day sleeping there alone was rather emotional. I was so heavy-hearted to leave JH's house. Even though I still go back there on weekends, it doesn't feel the same anymore. I AM independent. I just need some time to adjust.
Being alone these few days made me realise that I used to be spending quite some time alone back in Penang. Maybe the main difference is that I have family and friends there so I didn't feel the same kind of loneliness that I'm experiencing right now. I was so certain that I wouldn't be homesick but I'm not so sure anymore. At times like this, emotional stability is crucial. Once you're so gloomy and pessimistic about everything, things will start falling apart, and that's when you know that you're done with being alone. I always thought that being alone and feeling lonely is the same thing but I'm wrong. I do enjoy my alone time; be it shopping alone, eating alone or even watching movie at the cinema alone. Loneliness is different. Sometimes I would feel really lonely even when I'm surrounded by people. I would feel that nobody understands me and nobody is there for me. When that happens, I really don't know what to do. Yeah, I'm feeling lonely now as I'm typing this....
I want to travel solo. I think that would help me to be a stronger person. I don't have the guts to do that yet but who knows that one day I might be able to accomplish that, right?
My birthday this year was.. Yeah. But thankfully I have 2 groups of friends who took time to celebrate with me. That made me feel so much better. This year's birthday made me realise that your birthday is just another ordinary day. Nothing special. It was special back then but it isn't special anymore starting from this year onwards. Please don't let 23 be the worst year of my life. Yeah, screw birthdays.
P.S. The issue is about priority, and it always will be.
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