Just had the sudden urge to start blogging again. Merely writing down my unsaid thoughts.
Well, I have had a rough month. November is definitely not my month. Everything isn't going well for me. I know about the Law of Attraction. I really do. Somehow, it's easier reading the theory of the law than to try applying it into your life. A friend said that my thoughts are all very negative and that I'm often shadowed by negativity. I tried to be more optimistic. I just can't. You know, it's difficult to follow your own advice.
Revision month isn't really revision month. I'm stuck with the same daily routine everyday. Wake up, whine, study, cry and get back to bed. That was how I started off my month. Then when I finally see light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be just an illusion. I felt cheated. I thought after every rain there's a rainbow. I thought when you hit rock bottom, you would bounce back up. I thought pain is something I could get used to because I've had so much experience with it. Wrong. When you care too much about petty things, you tend to overlook the bigger picture. I wish I couldn't feel anything. I yearn for numbness at this stage. Anything less than that is unbearable.
"Win the battle, lose the war". This is something that I'll try to remember.
But I'm still alive; trying not to care so much. I've put in 100%, and sorry to say this but I've had enough. I'm going to withdraw 20-30% of what's left of my heart and guard it with my life.
